Now that we have a new editor we have dispensed with the paralysing perfectionism of that degenarate “Mike H”, and hereby reintroduce the right of semi-literate drunkards to have their voice heard on the editorial pages of this publication.

In the news today: Tony Blair has declared war on “sickie culture”. First question: were these his words, or was it a lazy use of journalistic cliché?

Doesn’t matter. All most people will have read are the headlines and all they will have heard are the soundbites. So as far as they are concerned, Tony Blair has declared “war on sickie culture”.

Tony Blair declares war on "sickie culture". We have a problem, let's declare war on it. I lost track of these wars. What was there? War on Binge Drinking, War on Poverty, War on Illiteracy, War on Teen Pregnancy & STDs… uhhh… War on uhhh… Terrorism? A War on Flanking Maneuvers! A War on Sneaky Moves in Chess! A War on People Who Get You Drunk to Play Poker for High Stakes When You’re Drunk!

If I had a choice, it would be the War on the Work Ethic. Look, the Brits are already the hardest-worked nation in Europe, we're reaching fucking US levels... what about a War on the Work Ethic? Motherfucker. This is the subject of our next editorial. Which I’m writing right now, a comment on the news. (Socialist Wanker supports Europe).

So Mr Blair is promising to kick a lot of people off Incapacity Benefit. Many of them probably deserve it. He is saying that people are going to be insinuated back into working life with incentives, and there are going to be changes to benefits. Actually the biggest shake-up to the benefit system system since 1948 when they founded the whole system.

But how the fuck are we ever going to win a war like this? Look at how the Americans fight wars. What we need is a fleet of B52s thundering over high-unemployment neighbourhoods dropping daisy-cutter bombs left right and centre.

Or how about we criminalise unemployment? You would find that the very first day, a million and a half benefit claimers rush to JobCentres to report that umm I just found a job. Another few 10s of 1000s we employ right away to build prison camps and process the new criminals, guard them, feed them and re-educate them.

So. We call on the government to declare War on Half-hearted Wishy-Washy Wars, like this damn War on Sickie Culture, and the damn War on the New Homelessness, and whatever other half-assed wars New Labour spend their days cooking up.

Thank you ladies and gentlemen. That was the so-called leader or editorial or op-ed (N. American English) of this edition of Socialist Wanker.